A Christmas Lost
Christmas is coming. A painful day which will haunt me forever. This Christmas invokes painful memories which overwhelm me, leaving me in a breathless state of shock. I was getting so much better. I was forgetting the past. Now the past is impossible to ignore, bitter reminders assail my senses from every which way. Christmas trees blink with multitudes of colored lights blinding my eyes. Christmas bells echo painfully through my barren soul. Smells of Christmas cookies waft through the air burning my senses. My broken heart bleeds from the cheerful Christmas greetings. Merry Christmas...
Unable to escape this unforeseen onslaught, my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach leaving a hollowed out feel to my entire body. I remind myself to breath over and over again. I need to cry, to howl. Why? Why, why, why?
I wander aimlessly through this invasion of Christmas, adrift in a sea of Christmas cheer I no longer recognize. I walk through the malls like a lost soul in search of his body. Bitter reminders consume me as I burn in emotional flames reducing me to ashes as I blow through the halls. I stare with envy at the shoppers holding their lists made with love, then look down at my empty hands in confusion. I watch a child with eyes like saucers telling Santa what she wants for Christmas, the world reduced in her mind to an imaginary miracle, visions of flying reindeer pulling a sleigh full of toys from the north pole. I want to feel that again. I want to believe in a miracle which makes me forget all my sorrow. I stare at everything and nothing, unaware of where I am, walking on imaginary clouds, my feet not touching the ground, longing to feel what I no longer feel, searching for a Christmas lost.
I here the Christmas bells ring
Echoing through my barren soul
Setting off memories lost inside
Of when my life was whole
I walk through the malls alone
To feel what I no longer feel
Trying to fill this empty void
To somehow make me heal
Shoppers struggle, hearts so big
I walk alone through it all
Their Christmas lists made of love
My heart now feels so small
Christmas now is lost to me
Hidden by cold hearts frost
I spend my days in misery
Searching for Christmas lost
Unable to escape this unforeseen onslaught, my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach leaving a hollowed out feel to my entire body. I remind myself to breath over and over again. I need to cry, to howl. Why? Why, why, why?
I wander aimlessly through this invasion of Christmas, adrift in a sea of Christmas cheer I no longer recognize. I walk through the malls like a lost soul in search of his body. Bitter reminders consume me as I burn in emotional flames reducing me to ashes as I blow through the halls. I stare with envy at the shoppers holding their lists made with love, then look down at my empty hands in confusion. I watch a child with eyes like saucers telling Santa what she wants for Christmas, the world reduced in her mind to an imaginary miracle, visions of flying reindeer pulling a sleigh full of toys from the north pole. I want to feel that again. I want to believe in a miracle which makes me forget all my sorrow. I stare at everything and nothing, unaware of where I am, walking on imaginary clouds, my feet not touching the ground, longing to feel what I no longer feel, searching for a Christmas lost.
I here the Christmas bells ring
Echoing through my barren soul
Setting off memories lost inside
Of when my life was whole
I walk through the malls alone
To feel what I no longer feel
Trying to fill this empty void
To somehow make me heal
Shoppers struggle, hearts so big
I walk alone through it all
Their Christmas lists made of love
My heart now feels so small
Christmas now is lost to me
Hidden by cold hearts frost
I spend my days in misery
Searching for Christmas lost
posted by MountainWolf Howls at 1:38 PM
1 Comments:
Beautiful, but painfull. Such wonderfull poetry coming from the pain of the lost. Find yourself again and things of wonder and joy will find YOU again.
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