Core Creek Park & poem: Falling Apart Again

I just wrote a poem called "Falling Apart Again" and put it to music. It took me about 30 minutes to write the poem, and about 15 minutes to write the vocals and music. I surprised myself. It sounds pretty good. It's another deep, insightful poem. I remember when I was in the hospital after one of my surgeries. I had an internal infection and they didn't know if I was going to live. I wanted to see the sky, so the nurse wheeled my bed to the hall where there was a big window. I was giving up on life. I was dying. My wife was too fucked up on oxycontin and zanax to come see me. I was in the hospital for over a month and she only brought my daughter Tasha to visit me twice. The hall was glowing from the sunshine, and I thought maybe this is the angel's hall and they were coming to take me. I remember being wheeled to the window, and thinking if a crow comes to me, my time is up. I didn't see any crows.

I hiked the back trails at Core Creek Park to play my guitar and sing. It's peaceful back here. My local getaway. I saw several crow, and it reminded me of when I almost died in the hospital, looking for crows in the angel's hall. It's a beautiful day with cumulus clouds puffing up in the sky. A butterfly came to visit me. Was it a sign? The butterfly visited me and the crow flew away.

I can sense that my love is out there somewhere, and her spirit has found me. Watching, waiting, everywhere. I'll know her when we meet. I'm finding reasons to live. My life will be a good life. It's coming together now, but it still falls apart.

They say if a crow visits you, it's a sign of death. The crow didn't visit me today. Another reason to live. I'm up, I'm down, I'm up, I'm down.

It's all coming together now...

and it's falling apart again...


Falling Apart Again

Can you see the angel's hall
Can you here the gypsy call
Can you see clouds in the sky
Can you hear the reasons why

This is where I want to go
To sing a song, to watch the crow
I can sense you're always there
Watching, waiting, everywhere

(Chorus)
It's all coming together now
And it's falling apart again
It's changing like the weather now
And it's falling apart again


I have seen the angel's hall
I can hear the gypsy call
I can see clouds in the sky
Giving me the reasons why

This is where I'll always go
Singing songs and watching crow
And I know you're always there
Watching, waiting, everywhere

(Chorus)

-

Cook Forest & poem: Longfellow Trail

It's so beautiful here in the old growth forest. These trees are 200-300 feet tall and four feet in diameter. I'm surprised I didn't come here sooner. I wish I could've shown this to my daughter Tasha. Maybe someday...

It's been raining a lot this summer. I just wrote a poem called "Longfellow Trail". The pain comes through in my poems. I should try writing happy poems. Na! When I fall in love I'll write happy poems. What I write now are deep, emotional, reflective, soul-searching poems. I write them for music. I create the music later. It's weird. I'm here where I want to be, and I love it here in the mountains. But I can't help feeling really lonely. I don't like being around crowds, and I love to hike trails where no one's around. It's what I do. The rain here is starting. It reminds me of the emptiness in my heart. I sit here where I'm happiest, but I'm so sad and lonely. I come to these places and take in the beauty, longing for someone to share it with. I dream about love when I'm here. Someday...

When this lonely feeling hits me, I don't feel like being around people. What I long for is someone to love. I want to love someone and someone to love me so bad. Someone who would love to hike in this old growth forest. I guess I need two things in life. Someone to love, and the mountains.

I here children coming up the trail. A family. A happy family. How beautiful. That was me long ago, with Tasha, four years old, asking her Daddy questions like "Daddy, are there any bears here?" "Daddy, can you put me on your shoulders?" It breaks my heart. The tears are coming again. Just like the rain. I need somebody to love. To help me wipe away this pain. It hurts so much.

This pain, this loss, is driving me. My emotions are driving me. Without them, I would be dead. The sun will shine again, shine down on me, and I will be happy again. She'll be smiling for me then, on Longfellow Trail...

Well, it's time to go. I have to hike down the mountain and then drive 4 1/2 hours. I don't want to be driving on the turnpike late at night. The last time I did it changed my life forever...


Longfellow Trail

It's starting to rain again
I'm feeling my pain again
I'm looking for love again
On Longfellow Trail

See her waiting for me then
She'll be smiling for me then
Sun is shining on me then
On Longfellow trail

(Chorus)
Sun shining down on me
On Longfellow Trail
My lover fantasy
On Longfellow Trail
This is where I'll always be
On Longfellow Trail


I feel so lonely here
So melancholy here
I'll always come back here
On Longfellow Trail

The skies are darker now
Rain falling harder now
Feels like I'm drowning now
On Longfellow Trail

(Chorus)